Growing up in the military has its advantages and disadvantages. I won’t get into the nitty gritty of both sides but 2 things you learn are discernment and the value of a good friend. You meet a ton of people on military bases, nice, mean, insecure, defensive, sad, depressed, hopeless, etc. While I wasn’t completely aware of it as a child, in retrospect its all clear as day. And I dealt with those people the best way I knew how: by trying to be their friend as quickly as possible. Because if they weren’t moving in a few months, I was. You didn’t have long to build up a lasting friendship. In fact, I only remember 1 or 2 people from my childhood I would consider “good friends”. The discernment comes naturally. You learn, mostly subconsciously, whether or not Kid X is going to be your quality friend.
I didn’t have many of those types of friends on the bases growing up. In fact, my first real best friend was Luke Deavers in middle school which I went to thankfully after my dad retired from the Army and we finally settled down (to some extent). Sadly enough, he died just after high school in a car accident. Not the point of this though. What I’m saying is that I know when I have a true and good friend. I know when I don’t. I try to give everybody that chance, and the sad truth is that 5 or 6 have ever made the cut.
I may be calloused or have an inherent nature to not let people get close, but I’m a function of my environment, which was constructed of 3 years segments and constant overturn in my life. I say this because its a sad state to be in. I’m a happy person with a lot of love to give, but to be perfectly honest, its hard for me to pour out love at any given moment for the people that I feel like won’t reciprocate it. Having been burned in my life, abandoned by friends, and not having people see through my facades has not done much for my hope in the human race.
Which therein lies my one of my many shortcomings in my faith in God. I have hope in God. I get my joy from God. But I don’t channel it as well as I should. I shouldn’t judge people to say whether or not they will be a good friend. I should hold pretenses or grudges, but I do. I’ll work on it.
The reason I write on this subject is that lately I’ve felt the effects of less than stable friendships. I’ve witnessed and experienced flakiness that is a lot of friendships. It puts a negative feeling in my head and I guess I’m just venting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not calling anybody out. I’m not saying anybody specifically is not a good friend. Some have let me down lately though, but for most of my friends, I just haven’t gotten to know them well enough. That is probably my fault for not being more deliberate with my time. I’ll work on it.
In other news, the air conditioning in my apartment is broken and its supposed to be 100 degrees or higher for the next 3 days. Fantastic.
